yes...this is me! right now....

          Faiz called me earlier. During the course of the chat, he reminded me that my birthday is tomorrow since it's technically Friday already now. I hadn't even thought of my birthday yesterday. Or today even, if not for that chat. Although I have a date with a "sahabat" later tonight to celebrate it - it's a ritual this particular friend tries very hard to keep to every single year.
          Haaaaah....another birthday! In sya Allah. Last birthday, at 52, I adopted the hijab. A move that surprised/shocked many. Not the fact that I donned the "tudung" as we call it here, but the fact that I "shrouded" myself - the whole nine yards! Abaya over my casual wear, "tudung labuh", socks on feet...you get the drift.
          And the very first question I got was, "Do you still smoke?"
          I laughed! Of course I still smoked. I am still smoking. Truthfully, I am not sure if I can break this foul habit. I am just relieved that there is still khilaf over smoking.
          It's funny really that many assume that I would suddenly metamorphose into this epitome of a muslimah. I wish it was as easy as that - change mode of attire, get exemplary muslimah features/characters automatically!
          It took this long for me to cover my aurat. Not that I didn't know it is a syariat requirement. Not that I didn't know I was sinning every single day that I didn't. Not that I didn't care. It took the prodding and logic of a very young chap to provide this impetus for change. And I'm forever thankful to Allah for bringing this beautiful soul into my life - the son I never had.
          In many, many ways, I'm still the old me. Still cheeky. Still with my own brand of humour. Still candid. Still aspiring to be fully non-judgmental. Still striving to be a beautiful soul.
          Still finding it very hard to be a "beautiful" person.....