on Mothers: You'll need them forever.....

            No matter how old I get, I never want to be alive without my mum. Not that I'm particularly close to my mum. My relationship with her is arm's length at best. But I've always counted on her being there. Always on top of whatever transpires in this big family of mine.
            I don't confide in my mum. Or have much to say to her. She sees the cheerful side of me most of the time. But there were times when she confided in me. And times when I fought for her - me being the outspoken one in the family. There was a time when I took care of all her worldly needs. Now, my sister does that....plus taking care of her emotional needs. She, along with my youngest brother, are the two people who connect with mum on a deep level. I'm happy to be on the peripheral playing cheerleader.
            Social events at No30 centers around mum. This has been the way since bapa passed on. During the months after mum's stroke, there was a dearth of social functions involving non-No30 residents. We just weren't up to it. It seemed strange to host events without mum being the grand hostess. Close family friends who visited also felt this. Normally mum would be the one "holding court" and taking center stage.
            Family activities eg vacations, eating out etc were non-existent. We are a very sociable lot her at No30. But since October of last year, we've been somewhat quiet. No open house last year. A lacklustre raya this Syawal too.
            However, mum's condition improved a few months ago. And she wanted to be up and about. So the family eating out sessions resumed. She even managed to go raya-visiting.
            Things looked well for her until the open house a few days ago. We rushed her to Ampang Putri. She was okay after a couple of days there. But a heart problem was detected. There's nothing much the doctors could do given her age and health condition. So we prayed that all will be well with her.
            Now she's back in hospital. With a worsened heart condition.
            I'm ready for the worst.....though I still pray that she'll make it this time around too......