From acquaintance to family....

   
   
    We met last Ramadhan, Hani and I. I don't normally easily agree to meet strangers during the fasting month. Especially when there's work involved. Just me being me - somewhat lazy [the bane of my life!].
    Somehow I said "yes" and this young woman came to meet up with me at home, with 2 persons in tow. We sipped coffee while I listened to them. Young folks with unstructured thoughts but brimming with enthusiasm. I liked the enthusiasm. Gave me deja vu :)
    The work end didn't work out but a friendship was forged. A strong one for some strange reason. Allah at work!

    Yesterday we had iftar together at Hani's place. A small group of folks - 3 long-in-the-tooth and 3 Gen Y. Yet we get along really well. Zul [Hani's other half] and I revel at pulling their legs - me being the nicer one of course! ;)
    Faiz, my friend-since-forever, aka the long winded one.
    Qayyum - the kid. The creative, artistic one.
    Emma - the apple of Qayyum's eye. Easy on our eyes too! Tall, lanky, long hair - you get the drift ;)
    Hani - the most hospitable host. Endless supply of coffee and munchies.

    Also Zeta and Johntan - Hani's and Zul's "kids". Zeta was somewhat shy, unlike Johntan :)

 
 



     There was even entertainment! We did CCR, Eric Clapton...old people songs ;)

Simple fare, good company, music, endless coffee, good conversation. Even a bit of business thrown in. Definitely a recipe for successful get togethers.

LGBT.....live with it!

            I have friends in this category.  Some seem comfortable being so. Some not.
            I guess it's tough being one in a country like Malaysia. It's a muslim nation. And muslims tend to view LGBTs differently. Islam terms you a "depraved" people. The Malay term for it is "perbuatan di luar tabii". The Bible depicts your actions as "gross immorality" and going after "strange flesh". 
             Given that scenario, I would think LGBTs would be very well prepared to be embarassed, humiliated even and, generally, "censored". In fact, it's pretty amazing that Malaysians, in general, have accepted you in our midst. So some of us stare at you. That's only natural methinks. They also ogle at the sexy dames and jocks. Also at the ladies shrouded in black from head to toe and the people with tri-coloured hair, rings and tattoos. 
            A lot of us like to stare and ogle. It's some sort of culture with the Malaysians I figure. So when we see a horse with stripes like a zebra, we tend to stare. Just because you're different. That's all.
            Then you want us muslims to respect and bless your actions. That's tough for us. Well, for me at least. I cannot and would not say "aye" to your marriage or relationships. I may be able to tolerate it but I just cannot condone or endorse it. Makes it even more difficult for me when you call yourself a muslim.
            And that's my right. Just as you have the right to live your life your way. My opinion shouldn't matter to you if you're really comfortable being yourself. I've always believed that "kalau berani buat, beranilah tanggung" [if u dare to do it, then be prepared to face the consequences].
            Go ahead and call me outdated, conservative etc. I'm okay with that. But don't you dare slur my religion just because it doesn't agree with you.
            Being different will always get you attention. Both of the positive and negative kind. Live with it! And quit whining!
            
           

Thank you, Nouman Ali Khan

            Of all the people I've listened to, no one has touched my life, so far, as young Nouman Ali Khan has. I must have an affinity for young people's tazkirah. The first one to do so was my "son", who was 23 when his tazkirah wrought changes in my life. He still adds beauty to my life each time he opens his mouth :)
            Nouman manages to make me realise how fortunate I am to be put on this earth as a muslim. Most of my life I've been told how blessed I am to be one. That I wasn't born a Christian or Hindu etc. That for as long as I believe and retain my faith in Islam, I would be spared eternal hellfire.
            But all that talk didn't make me a good muslim. I just cruised through life doing the very bare minimum - always thinking that I'll most probably end up in hell first before I move up to heaven ultimately. I never thought I'd ever be a good enough muslim to be able to circumvent hell.
            Like most, if not all, muslims, I read some sirah. Oh, man! Those folks featured in the sirah made me feel totally inadequate! They worked during the day, zikir wet on their lips whilst at it, then they prayed throughout the night - doing hundreds of rakaats. They memorised the Quran. They knew its tafseer. They lived by it in every way.
            And then I read of the man who thought that he could get into heaven by virtue of his "amalan" - to be totally dumbfounded to discover that his 500 years of amalan couldn't even pay for one eye! Much less for all the other things that Allah had bestowed upon him. This made me more certain that I'm SO destined for the hellfire.
            Yet there'll be stories that give me a modicum of hope. Like the prostitute whose ticket to heaven was via a drink to a thirsty dog. Also the drunkard and gambler who fed the orphans and who lamented his fate all the time - always wondering which level of hell he'd find himself in.
           My logical mind tells me that I can't count on doing this one good deed to ensure my place in heaven.  Yet I knew I couldn't be like the companions and those other folks in the sirah.
            And so I live with waning iman. Up one time, down another. And the cycle continues. My logical mind tells me there must be something that I don't fully comprehend. I've always pictured Allah as a loving God. He said that He'd NEVER ask me to do or bear more than I could. And I believe Him!
            So I seeked. And I don't justify my sins. My sins were the impetus that kept me seeking. I couldn't afford to downplay them - I'd be lost if I do!
            Nouman made me see how fortunate I am to be chosen by Allah to be a muslim. That Allah sees the good in me that I couldn't. That Allah chose me because He knew that I am capable of doing the things that He has decreed.That all He wants is for me to try and do the best that I can all the time. And not make excuses. And not to despair that I might not be like the beautiful blessed souls of the sirah. That He knows better what I could be...if I would only try...and try....and try.........

Ramadhan is here.... :)

          It's that time of the year again. Some look forward to it, some wait breathlessly for it, some rue it, and some just don't care much about it. Then there's the some...for whom it's just another day....of 3 square meals starting from daybreak.....
          When I was a child, I loved Ramadhan - no one will force me to eat something. I was a finicky eater due to allergies. I viewed food with utmost suspicion. That innocent looking dish could get me throwing up for hours and I hated that! Or I could get mouth ulcers - the size of chicken pox. So eating wasn't big on my list.
            I can't recall when I actually made it a habit to "bersahur". The thought of ingesting food at 4am just doesn't thrill me. At boarding school, I would be awoken by the bell [the pakcik used a cow bell if I remember correctly]...and the noise. But I didn't eat. I'd drink a lot though.
            Maybe I started to "bersahur" when my firstborn started fasting. Just there for moral support. I still couldn't eat at that hour. And I also couldn't eat much during "berbuka". By the end of Ramadhan, I'd usually lose anything from 10 to 14lbs - weight I couldn't afford to lose given the fact that I weighed in at 100lbs +- 5lbs.
            The funny thing is, I was hardly ever sick during Ramadhan [except for that one year when I had a bout of bronchitis for 2 weeks]. I think it had something to do with my preference for fruits and lots of water for iftar. The sugar from those fruits must be supplying me with lots of energy. Also the fact that dates is a meal to me, instead of just the obligatory sunnah thingy :) I absolutely love dates at any time of the year.
            This Ramadhan saw a change at No 30. We no longer have piles of food on the table. I guess that means we don't do the bazaar ramadhan crawl much. A refreshing change! I would go down to the main kitchen after maghrib prayer - more to socialise than eat really :)
            Now that I'm into gardening, I'd look in on my plants after asar to do the "heavy" stuff like transplanting.
            And I get to thinking how blase I am about this fasting thingy. I've never had to go without food or shelter. I've never had to do it in the middle of strife like the Palestinians, Syrians, Egyptians, Bosnians. I've never had to beg for a few morsels of food. I've never had to fear for my life like the Rohingyas. I've never had to battle a life threatening ailment.
            I'm just so blessed! Yet I take it so for granted! Making it difficult for me to embrace the true spirit of Ramadhan. Ironic isn't it? It's true that when you have so much, you tend to forget how fortunate you are.
            So this year I want to attempt to feel the deep gratitude that I should feel for being so blessed. May Allah grant me a totally new experience before I bade this world goodbye.......

FITNAH

*FITNAH: Mengada-adakan sesuatu cerita untuk memburuk-burukkan orang lain (sumber: web DBP)

*FITNAH DUNIA: Sabda Rasulullah s.a.w., “Dunia adalah sesuatu yang segar dan manis, ALLAH melantik kamu sebagai khalifah untuk melihat sejauh mana kamu boleh lakukan. Takutilah fitnah yang ada pada dunia dan takutilah fitnah yang ada pada wanita. Sesungguhnya fitnah pertama bagi Bani Israel ialah wanita.” Hadis riwayat Muslim

Men with "Scandals" - Code of Ethics

            A couple of years ago I wrote a code of ethics for the "other woman". It's time I write one for the men who have "other" women.

1.    If you're one of those who can't afford to pay a hefty retainer fee, then don't expect your lover to stay home waiting for your call.
2.    You're cheating on your wife. Don't expect your lover to be loyal to you.
3.    You're always lying to your wife. Don't expect honesty from your lover.
4.    You're obliged to spend time with your family. Do not let your affair eat into your family time.
5.    You're responsible for the wellbeing of your family. Don't you dare "tighten" your family budget. If you have to do this, that means you can't afford a "scandal".
6.    If you hooked her by flashing your wealth, don't act the drama king if your lover leaves you for a "bigger fish" . She's an opportunist...just like you.
7.    Your lover has a life of her own. Don't throw a fuss when she spends time with her friends and family.
8.    If you want her to act like a wife toward you, marry her.
9.    This is an illegal relationship. She owes you nothing.
10.  Don't "repossess" the gifts you gave her. That's so un-cool! However, you're allowed to cancel the supplementary card when the relationship ends.
11.  If she dates another guy regularly while in a relationship with you, that's not "cheating". Remember: she's NOT your wife. She's just exploring her options.
12.  That ring you gave her doesn't bind her in any way. It's just a gift. Same goes for the house and car if you're besotted enough to gift her those.
13.  Don't drop in on her unannounced. You may get an unpleasant surprise. Should this happen, don't raise the riot act. Refer item #9.

Oh, btw, there's this song......your wife could do the same you know.......

A WOMAN NEEDS LOVE (JUST LIKE YOU DO) (Ray Parker, Jr.) Ray Parker, Jr. & Raydio A woman needs love just like you do, hoo Don't kid yourself into thinkin' that she don't She can fool around just like you do, hoo Unless you give her all the lovin' she wants Don't make the mistake of thinkin' old fashioned [Ooh, ooh] Times have changed from yesterday But no longer will those old double standards [Ooh, ooh] Be accepted by the women of today So when you think you're foolin' her She just might be foolin' you Remember if you can do it She can too When her eyes are beggin' for affection [Ooh, ooh] Don't put her off, don't make her wait Don't try to give her that worn out excuse [Ooh, ooh] About being tired and workin' late I tell you one day you'll come home Early from work [Home from work] Open up the door And get your feelings hurt Because she needs it, yeah [Just like you do, hoo] A woman's got to have it, whoa, yeah, just like you And if you're smart, mmm, [Just like you do, hoo] you better stop foolin' around, hey, hey `Cause she will too, oh Just like you do, hoo Thinking that she don't, hoo, ooh Just like you, hoo Now an example to you Is by the time poor Jack Returned up the hill Somebody else Had been lovin' Jill A woman needs love just like you do, hoo Hey, don't kid yourself into thinkin' that she don't She can fool around [Yeah, just like you do, hoo], she will fool around so You better take out some insurance and be sure she won't Give her the love, mmm [Just like you do, hoo], yeah That sweet, sweet love, she wants it just like you `Cause she can fool around [Just like you do, hoo] just like she will fool around With you or without you, just like you do

Degrees don't make you a clever fella......

            I cringed when I heard him say those words. Although I couldn't see her face, I knew she was heartbroken. This wasn't the first time he'd done this in my presence.
            I was sorely tempted to slap his face. Perhaps slapping some sense into him at the same time. Sometimes I wonder what could be going through his mind when he carelessly threw statements of that nature. Or were those statements really carelessly thrown??
            He's always bragging about being the top student, top performer, high achiever blah blah blah. Okay, we get the message. So we are all aware that you're clever...at least academically. And you made it in the corporate world. But I've got news for you my dear fella.....you ain't the only one. Sorry to burst your bubble!
            In my opinion, you're an utter moron when it comes to personal relationships. I know you've been a hermit for the longest time. You're used to having things your way. But hey, you chose to marry the woman! No one pointed a shotgun at you. You'd better buck up and be a good man to her!
            In the marriage arena, your stupidity is most apparent. For your information, YOU are supposed to provide for her - it's YOUR duty. And when you give her a present, you don't go reminding her every single minute that YOU paid for it, that it is YOURS and that YOU can do anything you like with it. Especially not in front of others.          
            A present/gift is defined as "something VOLUNTARILY transferred by one person to another WITHOUT compensation". Capische? Don't go around telling us all that you gave her a present and in the next breath say it's yours.
            Another thing...why do you like to belittle her? Especially since you tried so hard to get her back on her feet. Don't you realise that she's particularly fragile/vulnerable right now? That she's especially sensitive?
            Do you want her to go? Because she's that close to leaving. I know she has a bag all nicely packed already. Push her hard enough and she may just up and go.
            And you'll be back to your hermit existence. With pets for company. Probably live in a super-messy abode. Shying away from family and friends yet again.
            She's currently the best thing that has happened to you in a long time. Appreciate her. Make her happy.
            If you can't make her happy, at least don't make her miserable. If you hold on to your ego, you won't be able to hold on to her.
            All those degrees you have...well, they can't help you in this situation. And they won't make you feel so clever too........