Of all the people I've listened to, no one has touched my life, so far, as young Nouman Ali Khan has. I must have an affinity for young people's tazkirah. The first one to do so was my "son", who was 23 when his tazkirah wrought changes in my life. He still adds beauty to my life each time he opens his mouth :)
Nouman manages to make me realise how fortunate I am to be put on this earth as a muslim. Most of my life I've been told how blessed I am to be one. That I wasn't born a Christian or Hindu etc. That for as long as I believe and retain my faith in Islam, I would be spared eternal hellfire.
But all that talk didn't make me a good muslim. I just cruised through life doing the very bare minimum - always thinking that I'll most probably end up in hell first before I move up to heaven ultimately. I never thought I'd ever be a good enough muslim to be able to circumvent hell.
Like most, if not all, muslims, I read some sirah. Oh, man! Those folks featured in the sirah made me feel totally inadequate! They worked during the day, zikir wet on their lips whilst at it, then they prayed throughout the night - doing hundreds of rakaats. They memorised the Quran. They knew its tafseer. They lived by it in every way.
And then I read of the man who thought that he could get into heaven by virtue of his "amalan" - to be totally dumbfounded to discover that his 500 years of amalan couldn't even pay for one eye! Much less for all the other things that Allah had bestowed upon him. This made me more certain that I'm SO destined for the hellfire.
Yet there'll be stories that give me a modicum of hope. Like the prostitute whose ticket to heaven was via a drink to a thirsty dog. Also the drunkard and gambler who fed the orphans and who lamented his fate all the time - always wondering which level of hell he'd find himself in.
My logical mind tells me that I can't count on doing this one good deed to ensure my place in heaven. Yet I knew I couldn't be like the companions and those other folks in the sirah.
And so I live with waning iman. Up one time, down another. And the cycle continues. My logical mind tells me there must be something that I don't fully comprehend. I've always pictured Allah as a loving God. He said that He'd NEVER ask me to do or bear more than I could. And I believe Him!
So I seeked. And I don't justify my sins. My sins were the impetus that kept me seeking. I couldn't afford to downplay them - I'd be lost if I do!
Nouman made me see how fortunate I am to be chosen by Allah to be a muslim. That Allah sees the good in me that I couldn't. That Allah chose me because He knew that I am capable of doing the things that He has decreed.That all He wants is for me to try and do the best that I can all the time. And not make excuses. And not to despair that I might not be like the beautiful blessed souls of the sirah. That He knows better what I could be...if I would only try...and try....and try.........
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