Is he crying for help??

            I recall the times I used to sit across from him having long discourses on Islam. He knows quite a fair bit about the religion.
            He tried so hard to reject it! Kinda tough really given his upbringing - ustazah mother and all. The kind of parents who read "kitab kuning". However, he insisted that he was an atheist.
            But I've always had this suspicion that it was all bogus. That it was all lip service. I suspect that he was too scared to be a Muslim - especially a bad one! He was too scared to own up to his errant ways. And the fact that, despite declaring his Godless state, he still wanted toilet space in heaven!
            So....he took the easy way out - "I don't have a God!".
            What a cop out!
            I'm no Rabiatul Adawiyah. Just a Muslim who owns up to her sins. I don't believe in justifying my sins no matter what. After all how on earth am I gonna fool Allah right?!
            Over time he became more convoluted in his "debates". It became tirades. I got tired of listening. He, in turn, wasn't very good at listening. So I distanced myself from him. Or was it he who did that??
            Whatever! Anyway we hardly met for the past 10 years or so. But I get news of him regularly since he's pally wally with a close friend of mine - who is of the opinion that he's gone from bad to worse.
            But something this friend said recently made me pause and reflect. Seems like, of late, our "atheist" friend has been rethinking about the existence of God. Allah to be exact. He wanted Allah himself to "speak" to him!
            Hmmm.....Moses' people came to mind. The 70 who got zapped afterward.
            Could this guy be stupidly arrogant? I know he would know of this story. He's well read. Then again I have doubts about his understanding and interpretation of the Quran based on the discussions we used to have. However, to be fair, I really don't know how far he has "progressed" since then.
            The fact that he's even entertaining the thought of Allah in his sunset years could mean he wants someone to convince him. Maybe because death seems so near when one passes the half decade mark. Especially when rudely reminded - when one's friends are dropping dead left, right and center.
            He could be crying out for help. I pray that his cry will be answered - if that is what it is.....