......watching the antics of the current live-in girlfriend going through the motions of finding out about her lover's exes [at the urging of her colleagues], and she getting frantic by the second. Then it hit me that I must be dysfunctional! I mean, I hardly ever got this immense need to know or discover about his exes. So much so the men in my life would normally just blurt out stuff about their exes to me. And I'd listen. Sometimes I'd ask a couple of questions. Then I'd just get on with my life.
Exes just don't have much impact on me. Except for those who refuse to leave him...and me...alone. Then I'd tell him to keep her in line which translates into "keep her out of my life". As far as I'm concerned, these women are in his past. Even if he still keeps in touch with them, that's his prerogative. After all, I do communicate with several of my exes. Even if he wants to go back to an ex, I'm okay with that. It's his choice. I've never stopped anyone from leaving before, whether it's to a past flame or a brand new one....for as long as he's leaving me for a woman or for no one. I'd feel terribly insulted if he leaves me for a man! pfffffft!
And I'm back to asking,"What's with this fixation on exes?". As far as I'm concerned, they're a part of his life. You can't just erase memories - especially the happy ones. So what if he smiles at certain memories. Don't we all? Frankly speaking, not everyone hate their exes. Sometimes you break up because both of you were never meant to be with each other...for reasons best known to The Almighty.
If you'd allow you to be really frank with yourself, you'd realise, in hindsight, that the break up was good for you - if you can find it in you to touch base with that little voice that's always telling you things you choose to ignore. Everyone hears that little voice. But not everyone chooses to listen.
I'm okay with exes. And I don't even attempt to make him forget them. Because I know it's impossible to do so. [Because I can't forget my exes either.] Because he once loved them, they deserve space in his heart. Because I'm not in competition with them.
Just as much as you wouldn't want your past to butt in on your present, then don't go messing around in his past. Leave it be and concentrate on the present. Enjoy the relationship. It's you who he's into at this present time. Be the person whom he finds impossible to give up.
Every relationship changes us. I thought the heroine of this movie was spot on when she said this [at the break up], "....[so I'm] a little bruised, a little humbled and, hopefully, a little smarter...."
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